SL issues

Niki reminded me of this first thing this morning, and it's worth a separate post, It's all about separation of SL & RL. It's a bit of an adage that "What happens in SL stays in SL" but that's not strictly true. There are a number of ways things can go, depending on people's circumstances & motivations, and these are RL things.

Say you're single in RL. You get into SL & find someone else, who's also RL single. You date a bit online, & maybe get together in RL. That's the first permutation, the simplest.

Say you're single in RL, and you get involved with someone in SL who doesn't like to mix RL & SL. They may be SL single, which you can check out I guess - are they partnered? - but you won't know about RL unless & until you get close.

People also have different attitudes to what SL's all about. Initially, many people think it's like a game - my Ken doll with your Barbie, bit of fun, & that's it. Some go the exact opposite way & think SL is just a medium for communication between humans, & if you fuck in SL it's exactly the same as doing it in RL. Things go wrong when the two types mix, obviously.

So, what if you have an RL relationship and an SL one? What motivates people to do that? I think there are various possibilities. One is, in RL you're disabled, have mental issues, are physically unattractive, fat, or whatever - your avatar is gorgeous, & this lets you be gorgeous with someone who isn't looking at your weeping sores or whatever & forcing themselves to settle for you. I'm dealing in hyperbole here maybe, but if you feel inadequate SL is a great way to be way more than adequate. You can be a superman with a 12" dong, or a world-class beauty.
Maybe your RL relationship doesn't satisfy. Your RL partner is a bit of a pig & you're with him for the sake of the kids. Maybe he's great but just not into furry yiffing or up for being tied to a cross & ravished. Maybe your partner's not interested in sex any more. The *average* marriage in the UK, you get a bonk 3 times a month. Many people I know would love it 2 or 3 times nightly - SL can provide an outlet. Maybe you want to try being a sub or a dom(me), or having numerous partners at once, but don't want to risk coming out to your RL partner for fear they'll be disgusted & leave you. It could be that you're happy with your partner & vice versa, and they're happy that whatever extras you find in SL, they're the one you love & stay home with, the one who you curl up in bed with after a session of SL based fun - and maybe your fantasy life in SL informs your RL & inspires you to greater romantic & sexual efforts with your RL partner. It's not all just a crutch & there are many who make things work.

I'll keep this hypothetical for now, but say you have a number of people, "A" is in a RL marriage with kids, but has been dating "B" for over a year. "C" is single in RL but partnered to "D", who's RL married. "B" is engaged, but B's RL partner is ill & not into sex. "A" enjoys plenty of kinky fun with "B" when he can get online, but A's RL partner has a low libido, so B's basically all A has. C is jobless in RL so can do SL 24/7, allowing for sleep, so ends up with "B" when "A"'s not about. C leaves D, breaking D's heart, for B, who breaks A's heart, because they plan to take it to RL, and yes, break B's RL partner's heart. Once they get together, C will have to support B because B is mentally ill. C will have to cope with B waking up screaming in the night, and won't be on SL while B is on during the day. Potentially, they will have torn up 4 relationships for one that can never work, and given the track record, while C's at work, B will cheat on him too. All this because of bleedover from one to the other, and because of lack of communication about expectations, wants & desires. Both A & D suffer from depression, too. Happy, happy, joy, joy. In all likelihood, B will end up on the streets, & B hardly leaves the house because of fear of open spaces & crowds.

What happens in SL, in these circumstances, should stay in SL. Just my thoughts, anyway.